Fun with Pheromones
by Lemon Drops
Summary: Zexion has angered Vexen one too many times. Will he survive the cruelty of the Savage Nymph? Or will he give in to the suddenly sexy smelling members and furniture that are pulled into the fray? AU with some slight OOCness.
1. Prologue

* * *

Zexion has angered Vexen one too many times. Will he survive the cruelty of the Savage Nymph? Or will he give in to the suddenly sexy smelling members and furniture that are pulled into the fray? AU/Humor/OOC/Eventual Pairing (that will most likely disappoint you :p)/Rating may rise... o.o

* * *

Hello there! Welcome to my first fanfic! No wait! Don't leave! Please? I promise I used spell check! 

Anyways, yeah, I'm mainly doing this in order to better my writing skills, so please, feel free to criticize any mistakes. As for the story, I honestly don't know where this will be going. I've got some ideas and an ending in mind, but I'm still working out things in between. But I guess I'm aiming for a comedy in a slightly AU setting with mostly OOC characters. Whee. Also, keep in mind, I usually don't have time to write much, so please buckle up for long waits. Sorry, but that's just how life is.

But enough of this crap. I don't own any characters... blah blah blah... I hope I did this intro thing somewhat right. Oh well. On to the story... thingy... o.o

* * *

Prologue

"No," came Zexion's simple reply as he slipped out the door and closed it behind him with a soft click.

Vexen was not amused. In what Lexaeus mentally called 'the angry goose dance,' the blonde scientist grit his teeth, growled, and flapped his long sleeves about. The Silent Hero was smart to keep his silence, but at these moments, it was hard for him to keep a straight face.

"Neophytes! They are all the same! Haughty, ignorant, selfish..."

The insults went on for a while as usual when there was a fight between Zexion, the true leader of the 'basement team,' and Vexen, the elder and self adorned ruler of the lab. This time was no different from all the others. Though Lexaeus had stumbled in upon the end of their little spat, even he could assume that it obviously had something to do with either orders, experiments, different hypotheses, or just generally getting tired of one another after toiling for hours on end. It was also the little things, he noticed too that seemed to set them off. Unwashed test tubes, misplaced samples, leaving the Bunsen Burner on...

"Lexaeus! Can you believe that little brat? The nerve! After all the years I spent telling that runt what to do, and now look!"

Brought out of his silent wanderings, once more the quiet giant that was Number V in the Organization showed off his hidden intelligence by merely nodding his head once. "Hm," he sounded in a nice, low tone.

Straightening himself back up, Vexen sneered at the other Nobody present, taking his lack of vocabulary as stupidity, which none the less pleased him. Not only did it give him a moment of superiority over someone, but Lexaeus' muttered reply of agreement reassured the feminine man that he was in the right. Zexion was now outnumbered, and even more importantly, wrong!

Tapping his hairless chin, Number IV's brain suddenly clicked with an idea. An evil, scheming idea that not even the Cloaked Schemer himself would see coming! It was nothing less then... Magnificent!

"Genius! I truly am a genius!" Vexen cackled, floppy sleeves swinging in the air over his gloved hands. In a moment of bipolar-ness, the so called genius suddenly slumped over.

It was these times that he dearly wished he had lightning powers instead of ice. His evil scientist act would be all the more better with lightning flashing in the background. Damn that Number XII!

'Hm, speaking, er, thinking of that sadist...' Again, Vexen's emotional roller coasted rose to the top of a hill. "Brilliant!" Once more a small smirk appeared on his thin, pale lips.

All the while, poor Lexaeus had been watching. For a moment, he thought he could imagine fear rising and getting caught in his throat. He was now focused on desperately trying to swallow it back down.

"Lexaeus! Be a dear and fetch me that foolish nymph of ours," Vexen suddenly snapped. But instead of receiving an anticipated 'yes' or a silent leave of the large man, instead, only a choked cough filled the otherwise hushed lab.

The Chilly Academic raised a thin eyebrow. It was as close as he could get to feeling disgusted at the moment, his moment, being broken. Honestly! It was so frustrating having to deal with a castle full of inferiors!

"I apologize," Lexaeus quickly spoke up after getting over his sudden bout. It wasn't the large man's fault that he had been spooked, but in his mind he certainly didn't see it as so. "I'll bring her right away," he added with a small bow of his head, an act of asking for forgiveness.

Rising and thrusting his hand forward, and this time not breaking any beakers, the Silent Hero produced a tunnel of darkness in which he exited through.

Vexen rubbed his temple as he plotted. "Just where is that old perfume container of mine?" he wondered out loud. "Did I leave it in my room? My office? The bathroom?" After an encore of 'the angry goose dance,' the huffy scientist was left to quickly try and find it on his own, as there was no one else to order around. Blast it. Where were the others when he actually needed them?

* * *

Ok, so, hope you got at least one little chuckle out of it. Um, tell me if you want more, though, like I said earlier, I can't really get on much to write a lot. But I'll try my best. Really I will! Even if I have to cut back on rping! Gasp! xO 

So until then, later gators?

Oh god, I think I just gave away my oldness. ;-;

One more thing! For you Zexion lovers that didn't get to see much of him this time, I promise that you'll see much more of him later. x3

* * *


	2. Chapter 1

* * *

Here I am with another chapter. As usual, no ownage of characters. Bleh. Hopefully after this chapter things will get a little more hectic and funny. I hope. : ( Also hopefully I'll get another chapter up soon, as things don't usually go well when I have to write over the break. So many distractions! "Snwod dna spu ynam os." I guess while I'm thinking about it, I wish everyone a good end of the year, nondenominational winter season. Of course, I just know I'm going to offend someone with that remark, even though it is meant to include everyone and not insult people by assuming they are something they aren't! xD Don't you just love it when you can't win?

* * *

Chapter 1

"I refuse to provide energy for another one of their dumb experiments!"

Lexaeus quickly closed his gaping mouth. The poor fellow didn't even get the chance to mutter a single word. But he couldn't blame the Savage Nymph, even as she glared kunai at him. After all, the only times he actually went looking for Number XII were when he was ordered to drag her into the basement labs so that the other scientists might have enough electrical power to pull off one powerful experiment or another.

Taking a deep breath in concentration, which unfortunately turned into a sigh, the Silent Hero prepared for the worse, which was bound to come when dealing with the Apathetic Princess.

"Vexen has requested your assistance in the lab," the large man repeated as he did every time he came calling for her.

And thus the battle began.

"Obviously!" Larxene spat before slamming her book shut and throwing it to the other side of the couch she often lounged on. "And just what does the old geezer want now, hm? For me to power up that damned generator that drains me for weeks on end? To provide the lightning needed to bring back to life the Nobody or Heartless version of Frankenstein? Or maybe he simply needs me to charge up his cell phone?" Ah, sweet, sweet sarcasm. It really was a girl's best friend.

Number V's bushy eyebrow twitched. Just what was he doing wrong? He had heard that when dealing with wild beasts it was best to avoid eye contact, keep one's voice calm and lowered, and to generally not give off a sense of fear. And yet, despite his best efforts, he feared the nymph's kunai were about to be drawn if he did not act soon.

"Ah, none of those," the hero timidly began. "I believe Vexen needs you for some sort of act of revenge." Lexaeus cringed. He knew full well what reaction was to come, and he was not looking forward to it.

A petite eyebrow rose. An expression of amusement replaced the well faked anger she was so well rehearsed in dishing out. "Who?" came her only reply as she brought up a gloved hand to rest her chin on, her elbow sitting upon the armrest. The nymph's cruel curiosity had set in and taken hold.

He knew it. The Silent Hero hated how he was in essence betraying a fellow comrade. Just why had he gone along with this in the first place? Aside from wanting avoid the Chilly Academic's wrath? As good enough reason but, it still left the bitter resemblance of what might have been cowardice in his mouth. But it was too late now. He knew Larxene would not allow him to simply walk out. Leaving would be akin to dangling a raw piece of meat in front of a hungry lioness and saying she couldn't have any, and then hiding it behind his back.

Lexaeus sighed and frowned. "Zexion," his deep voice muttered quietly and guiltily. To the Savage Nymph, he reminded her something of a school child after a scolding.

"I see." After letting her hand slip from her chin, gloved fingers drummed restlessly against the furniture. "Well then, I guess that leaves me with only one thing to do," the nymph trailed off with a happy smirk.

"Ignore me like you do all your elders and higher ups and forget about this entire ridiculous matter?"

Larxene's instant laughter killed off the hero's hope. "Oh Lexaeus! You're such a riot! Me disobeying orders— that's a good one! Where do you come up with this stuff?"

The Silent Hero watched on with dismay. How could such a petite, beautiful young woman be so scary and twisted? If this was her without her heart and emotions, by Kingdom Hearts... He never wanted to meet her Somebody!

"Enough wasting time though, let's be on our way, shall we?" she cut off his thoughts. By the time the earth wielder focused back on the world outside his head, he found himself face to face with the nymph, or as much as such drastic height difference and four feet distance allowed. Her impatient blue eyes stared boredly up at him. "Well, are we going or not? You came here to get me, remember? You'd best complete your mission, or else you'll be a bad influence on me you know."

Shoulders slumping, he was glad to be almost done with her. Of course, now that she was involved, things could only get worse. Nevertheless, Lexaeus, being the gentleman he was, opened a portal and allowed her entrance before him. After all, he had heard that it was never good to turn your back on a wild animal.

Within a few walking moments the sights of the colorless lab came into view. A preoccupied Vexen stood hunched over a table, his gloved hands working precisely in accordance to his equally precise mind. Unfortunately for him, his vulnerable back was blind to the recent arrivals. The Savage Nymph's predatory nature kicked in almost immediately. Leaving a helpless Lexaeus to clutch at the air, too late, Larxene stealthfully slipped behind the busy scientist, leaving just enough room as to not get elbowed or run into, as early experience had taught her.

"Finished! Hehehe, brilliant! Simply brilliant! Now then, if only that insufferable little nymph would hurry down here," Vexen muttered after his brief celebration. Whipping around, as he secretly enjoyed that snapping black coat effect, he promptly screamed. Eyes wide and body jumping back out of instinct, the oddly shaped glass container flew from his hands and into the air... where it was promptly snatched up, thanks to Larxene's quick reflexes and ability to defy gravity.

"You called?" her happily sarcastic voice almost sung while she continued to casually float upwards and out of range from explosion bound to come.

And explode Vexen did. Starting with a scream, the scientist ranted and raved while whipping his floppy sleeves all about. While poor Lexaeus could only stand and watch in horror, the nymph on the other hand reveled in everything from petty name calling to scientific based insults she'd need to look up in similar books and possibly a thesaurus later.

Peace finally came with both parties involved catching their breath. Insults, comebacks, and massive laughter had finally taken a break.

"So, let's get the point," Larxene spoke up first, interested in getting whatever 'act of revenge' started as soon as possible. "And don't bother with reasoning or a background story. Just tell me what I need to do, and," she paused, taking a moment to fiddle with the object in her hands, "just what is this?"

It was an odd sort of thing. A small tube connected a black, rubbery ball to a small metal and cylinder shaped head that rested atop a spherical shaped glass container, half full, or empty depending on your views, of an unknown clear liquid. Inside of the bottle, another tube ran vertically up to the head.

"That, neophyte, is an antique perfume bottle," Vexen mocked her while crossing his arms knowingly.

"I see. Huh, guess I should expect something as old fashioned coming from you. So, I'm guessing you just squeeze this rubber end here," the nymph concluded thoughtfully as she was just about to walk herself through the process of clutching it.

"Stop! Not in here!"

Vexen had panicked, even to the point of levitating himself off the ground. It was good news for everyone that for once, possibly out of surprise from such an unusually strong response out of the usually cold scientist, she had indeed halted in her actions.

The Chilly Academic sighed out loudly in a cross between relief and exasperation. In response, Larxene grinned childishly. Lexaeus all the while stood in silent confusion and curiosity. Just what was in that bottle?

"So, what do I need to know about this concoction that has you ruffled?"

A warning glare was his first answer to her as he moved up to be at eye level with the obnoxious Nobody. During the few seconds it took to accomplish this, his mind scrambled to ready what information she needed to know, and what she didn't. He began by clearing his throat. "First of all, do not, I repeat, do not spray the contents anywhere in the basement levels! The damage would be irreparable." At the thought of this, the scientist rubbed his throbbing temple.

"Huh, guess you'd best treat me well then. I sure hope for your sake that this is worth my time," Larxene interjected tauntingly. She expected a sour look at least from Number IV in the Organization. Instead, disappointment struck as Vexen only grinned sadistically. Such a look in turn amused and impressed her, besides stirring her curiosity.

"Oh I assure you, Larxene, that this will be worth your time and efforts. It will be a reward in itself. Of course, that is only if I may continue without further interruption."

The nymph sneered and rolled her eyes, but otherwise stayed silently compliant. Vexen looked on triumphantly. It wasn't everyday you got the best of the Savage Nymph. Of course, she could at any minute start perfuming away at his lab, so he still needed to keep her interest and attention in his crafty clutches.

"Now with that one main rule out of the way, I give you permission to spray the pheromones in any other level, hall, or room, except The Superior's, or on any inanimate object or fellow Organization Member, again, save The Superior of course, to your non-existent heart's desire. In fact, I encourage you to do so."

Silence. The nymph wrapped her mind around the scientist's words, searching for any sort of treachery or clue of something more, that she oddly felt she had missed. Something seemed out of place, but only one question continually came to mind, refusing to let her think any further about the matter. "So what exactly does this have to do with revenge on Zexion? This sounds more like some sort of experiment you're too lazy to do yourself." Of course if it were, not only would she be thoroughly disappointed, but she would be forced into making herself feel better by taking it out on Vexen's coveted lab. Pity.

But the scientist was prepared for this type of questioning, and was halfway expecting it from such a simple mind, or so he thought of her. "I assure that it isn't an experiment, as I know perfectly well what the results will yield," he answered smartly before continuing on. "As for what this has to do with Zexion, it has everything to do with him you imprudent girl. The scent produced," Vexen began, and then paused. At that moment he suddenly wanted to giggle, madly. But no, clearing his throat, he'd save such actions for when he was alone again.

This did not go unnoticed by a sharp-eyed Larxene, who gave a rightful scrupulous look towards the Nobody before her.

"The scent, though odorless to us, will have some 'interesting' effects on Number VI," he concluded quickly. "Such effects thusly will lead him into many a humorous circumstance, in which we will find highly amusing. Of course, I leave you in charge of those certain situations." The Chilly Academic then studied his current pupil. Her put on expression said it all, and with a growl, Vexen wondered bitterly if anything he just said had been received by those two large antennae atop her head. "Must I repeat myself more slowly, or should I just call for Number IX?"

"Don't berate me! I understood exactly what you said, as vaguely as you've put it! And since you are being so indirect, can you blame me for being skeptical of you?" the nymph hissed back like a feral cat.

"Oh really? Well then, why don't you simply go out and see for yourself?" Vexen concluded haughtily, taking her fit in an icy stride. Dramatically he extended his hand to the door, all the while looking quite smug.

"Hmph! I think I will! Just so I can be back here all the sooner to ruin your precious lab," Larxene retorted spitefully. Darkness erupted behind her, its wispy tendrils beckoning entrance to the one that called it forth. That added with her glaring blue eyes left a most perfect picture of terror as she abruptly exited from the basement of the castle.

Lexaeus briefly shuddered. That scene would most likely come back to haunt him in his sleep. Vexen on the other hand, upon lowering himself back onto the cold, white tiled floor, immediately clutched his stomach with his arms as he bent forward, cackling madly.

The Silent Hero wanted desperately to hide away right about now.

"I can't believe she fell for it! Lexaeus! This will be like shooting two birds with one stone, in the name of science! Oh!" the mad scientist paused, snapping his fingers as he once more stood upright. "I need to start up and check the surveillance system." With a nod of self approval, Number IV scampered off busily like a demented housewife into a nearby room, slamming the door behind him.

Larxene pouted from inside the asylum of her room. Her back against the door, after a few moments of mentally bashing Vexen and then ripping him to shreds, eyes glanced to the bottle held tightly in one hand. Huh. She brought it up to eye level before thoroughly inspecting every minuscule crevasse. What an antique. It was no surprise that this was once Vexen's, though she soon found the thought somewhat unsettling. Then again, it did match his disturbing persona.

Slender fingers strummed on the hollow rubber ball of the old perfume container. The nymph was torn, curious, but wary of the unknown consequences. But no one was watching her. And had not Vexy said that it would only affect Zexion? With a light, quick squeeze, a puff of spray dissipated into the air. Nothing. No explosions; not even a smell. It was somewhat disappointing. But then again, the Chilly Academic had said that only Zexion and his keen nose could smell it. "Pft, whatever," the nymph muttered before turning around and exiting her room with a hard turn of the handle and push of the door.

Enough of this dilly-dallying. It was time to have some fun. With a smirk, the Savage Nymph slunk stealthily down the hall, all the while mentally counting down the numbers marked in roman numerals on the doors. Nine, eight, seven, and finally lucky, or not so lucky, number six. With a quick spray of the door, the games had begun. Larxene dashed to the nearest corner and ducked behind it, smirking wildly.

_"Let's see what this stuff can do."_

The Cloaked Schemer awoke to find himself already up and facing his door. Why? He did not know. Heavy lids blinked slowly as he attempted to comprehend this strange twist in the plot of what should have been a nice long nap. And then it struck. A scent like no other invaded his sensitive nostrils. So overwhelming, he couldn't help but sneeze three times in succession. Eyes now wide open, mentally and physically he never felt more awake. Had he been slipped a drug again? This was proving awful close to that one time... No. He stopped that thought right there. Curse Axel, Demyx, and Roxas.

As Zexion opened the door a strong blast of the scent washed over him, causing him to shiver. To his horror and utter delight he felt mind slip back to give more room and control to usually restrained and primitive instincts. Like an overgrown house cat, the schemer relished in the feel of his door as he rubbed his cheek against it. Its smoothness, its sturdiness... How admirable it was— protecting his room from the harsh outside hallway. A sigh, almost a purr, escaped from his throat.

Laughter erupted just around the corner, ruining the moment. Jerking his head towards the annoyance, mischievous light blue locked on glaring dark blue. He hated being startled. Even more so, he hated being laughed at. Both parties knew that, but as usual, the nymph didn't care, though her laughs had died down considerably from the hysterical fits they once were.

His nose inexplicably jump started once more. Faintly, very faintly, Zexion could smell it— a more fresh, authentic scent. Slowly he stalked forward trying to look as inconspicuous as possible— his expression blank as was norm. Her slight giggles echoed quietly down the hall until abruptly stopping. Larxene's smug face quirked to the side, expressing her success in capturing him in an awkward position, and curious as to what he was going to do about it. She figured he was trying to play it off cool and would simply stalk off down the hall in an angsty manner.

Instead, the Savage Nymph suddenly found herself giving the Cloaked Schemer her best scowl as she bumped her head against the wall. He had whipped around the corner, catching her hands in his own. He grinned triumphantly, in that small little smirk that he could only pull off, at having caught her off guard— so much so that she had jumped back and hit the wall on her own accord, not his. He was quick to pin her wrists against the cold, pale rock. Kunai gleamed dangerously under the artificial light between her twitching fingers.

Awkward silence slapped both of them in the face. Confusion now did the laughing as it took the Nobodies hostage. In only a matter of seconds the Apathetic Princess had gone from faked mischievous happiness, to growling anger, and now... to utter shock.

Zexion nuzzled affectionately into the crook of her neck. Purring.

Wide eyed, the blushed nymph was at a loss. Both words and actions evaded her grasp. Her mind rushed and promptly reeled, right when she needed it the most!

"Eep!" she squeaked loudly, causing both nobodies to pause. It sounded almost like a sharp hiccup and bounced off the stainless walls. The Cloaked Schemer chuckled and withdrew his mouth from her skin. It was more than enough to jump start her staled mind, but she couldn't help but still stumble over her most recent thought. _"Did he really just nip me?" _All evidence pointed to 'yes,' down to the tiny teeth mark indentions.

"Zexion! Get a hold of yourself!" she demanded with a hard shove forward. It was enough to throw off the schemer, for now. Kunai forgotten, a portal formed behind her, swallowed her up, and closed. Her reaction skills might have been shot to hell, but fleeing was next to breathing in any good 'villains' handbook.

On the other side, wobbly knees forced Larxene to kneel. She was in the living room, but unaware of her surroundings or the three pairs of eyes peering curiously at the strangely behaving intruder. For the moment, her own eyes were half-way shut as she focused on the simple action of breathing normally.

"Whoa, man oh man, something really ruffled up the nymph," a sarcastic voice announced in mildly hinted amusement and curiosity.

* * *

Ending chapters is so very hard for me I've noticed. Sigh. Anyways, feel free to critique or leave a nice note. Many thanks to the nice reviewers here. I was really surprised anyone would reply at all. : )

* * *


End file.
